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Monday, 30 May 2011

The Goddess Particle

A flash of green catches my eye as I wander in a shadowy wood... A shaft of light cutting through branches, illuminating fresh young elm leaves and paper-thin seeds... bright chips of stained glass folding discs of sunlight into translucent brilliance.... invoking a sense of awe and reverence in this woodland cathedral.

My eyes wander... gazing at the light through the seeds, constantly drawn to different parts of the tree, marvelling at the beauty, entranced by the stillness of the wood... captivated by the energy of this sacred alter.... words & phrases weave themselves into my consciousness... this seed.... i am the seed... breathes life... birth of future... conceive own birth... dark places... radiance... growing in my own womb... grow from the past... i am the strands of all matter.... 



For some reason i think of scientists searching for the 'god particle' and grin, thinking perhaps they should be looking for the goddess particle. 

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Well, this is a first... the first recording of my voice since i was a kid, on the first slideshow i've made... and open to the public... with no edits, mainly cos i haven't worked out how yet! When i took the photos i couldn't decide which to use & thought 'hmmm, a slideshow would be good'. I was writing the last Festival of the Trees at the time, so thought i might get it done for the next one. I'd had so many thoughts whilst sitting in the wood and was mulling over the idea of how to incorporate them when, surprise, surprise this months submission asked "to observe our own engagement with trees, and record it—with video, audio, slideshow, or any other creative composition we can dream up"


Plenty of time, huh! Except i started working full time & haven't been at home on my own, then we moved again & friday was the first time i've sat down & thought about it. My plan was just to see if i could do a recording & how to add it to the slideshow... then do it again 'properly'.... but... to do it how i'd like it is going to take much longer & i'm actually quite pleased with the first draft, just the fact that I did it! So... if you have landed here hoping for some polished poetry & crack-shot editing... err...tough luck!!

I scribbled stuff down when i got home and added more as i looked back through the photographs later. And i do scribble... i write in all directions on a page, fitting in a thought following from another, not necessarily crossing out the line or phrase i've abandoned for something else, crossing out but then adding a tick to show i changed my mind back again.... i'm sure you know what i mean.... so, this morning i looked at the pages & sighed at how much re-writing, re-ordering & refining it needed & thought "i'll just see how much time this lot runs out at...."

And so... i can hear myself desperately scanning alternative choices to finish a line... i can hear my brain clicking over which bit should follow which in places... i've emphasised bits quite differently to how i meant.... and one word in particular screams at me to be changed... but, you know what? I'm leaving it just as it is.  If i don't tell you which bit, what word etc you probably won't realise... and everyone, including myself, can have an opinion on what to change or what to keep, but this piece is what it is... a one-shot that i'm happy with for what it is... when i have another go, it will be a different piece of work.
And this seed will grow into something else i'm sure.

It turned out that that was the easy part... actually getting the bloomin' thing uploaded took me 2 days to work out! whether it was me or dodgy internet i don't know, but i managed to post a blank box instead of a slideshow more than once! So i gave up trying to post direct to blogger & went to youtube instead... All part of the learning curve, eh?


Brenda has a lovely blog over at "Rubies in Crystal"  & she is hosting the June edition of Festival of the Trees. Thanks Brenda for giving me the incentive to get this thing started!

13 comments:

ari said...

Suzi, such beauty...visual..and the sound of your words...... goosebumps! so full of spirit. i love :))

i know what you mean...the scribbling..in all directions :-)

Rose said...

Really interesting post! Can't wait to see what other plants grow from these seeds....

Barry said...

S- such delicate diaphanous seeds - I can see why you would label them Goddess particles - delicate beginnings of life. Well done on taking the challenge to create the slideshow with your thoughts flowing as a backdrop; and on being able to get it to up load and work. B

Jim said...

I like the goddess particle idea too. Somehow the idea gives me the thought of the dance of the god and goddesses particles, swirling about each other in bliss until they combine into that seminal seed.

Anonymous said...

I love your words at the beginning of your blog,also what is written within it.Thank you for inspiring me and pulling me out of gloom!Just stumbled upon it....
Annie.

Suzi Smith said...

Jim, i like that thought... i love it when thoughts spark & ideas flow from others...

Annie, it's great when you stumble on something that inspires just when you need it... glad i could do that for you today... hold on to that brightness!

B, as usual the thought of it was worse than the doing... now i want to do some more, so you should see some flowers growing before too long Rose!

Ari, we've walked the woods together somewhere before ;-) & i bet we'd hardly notice if our notebooks got swapped!

So pleased you all 'hear' me... and thank you to Brenda for the feedback & support.

LauraX said...

This is so perfect...I love it...what a gift to hear your voice, your exquisite poetry and view your wondrous photos of life and light flowing all at once! I hope this summer my tech savvy 14 year old will help me create a multi media marvel, at least a tenth as lovely as yours my friend. Thank you!

Suzi Smith said...

thanks laura... i think id've found it much easier with a 14yr old on hand to to sort the tech bits... and i'm sure whatever you create will be 110%!!

ari said...

ah, i think we'd notice.. the essence perhaps being the same.. but, you are more articulate than me ;)

Suzi Smith said...

don't knock yourself ari... i love your way of expressing things x

ari said...

i know you do lovely:) xx
as i do yours.

i didn't feel like i was knocking myself..just noticing a wee difference..am happy with my simplicity...not saying am simple though tee hee..ya know what i mean :P

xx

Suzi Smith said...

yeah...ikwym... you get to the point i ramble on, haha... ;0

ari said...

i love a good ramble :o)

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